‘Happiness is living without expectations.’ - Peter Cajander
‘Why did you do this to me?..’
‘If you really liked me, you wouldn't have?’
Sentences I have used many times in my relation with my best friend. Most people would find these sentences very familiar, if they examine their relationships.
Expectation: A hazardous concept present in nearly all human relationships. It is basic human nature to project our desires on the people who are closest to us. It is healthy until a point. However, limitless expectation can harm you, hurt you, and even ruin the best relationships.
This was the main problem between me and my best friend. I tried to project my thoughts and views onto my friend by assuming that she would think and feel in a way that I would. I forgot the fact that each person is unique.
When an individual becomes obsessed with changing their partner to meet their impossible expectations, they become blinded to who their partner really is. Even if the partner attempts to conform to our expectations, it will never be enough. Because, in relationships, expectations are unattainable.
When we expect something from others, we assume that his/her views are same as ours (which is never true). We are not only forcing the other person to change themselves, but also expecting them to behave more like us. This is simply impossible because each person has their own way of thinking, behaving and expressing. Their natural actions cannot meet your desires even if they attempt to.
Our past life experiences, decides the nature of our expectations. Everyone knows the importance of childhood experiences in molding one’s personality. For instance, since I had spent the first 18 years of my life with my twin sister before I met my best friend, I wanted her to behave to me like my sister did, which was impossible. Similarly, his/her past experiences determines one's nature of expectation.
So if we expect something and we are not getting what we expected, that can ruin a beautiful relationships. Expectations are our mind's creativity in which others views don't have any effect. It is created without considering others expectations from us.
We can overcome this problem by developing realistic expectations.
First of all respect and understand others expectation from us. Understand that they also anticipate a great deal from us. Listen to others, understand what they are capable of and then behave accordingly. Select a good partner and trust him/her. If they fail to meet your desires, never blame them. It may be because of the impracticality of achieving your expectations.
So keep your relations properly. Don't take it hard. It may skip from you. Live with realistic expectations.
Learn to earn what you want from your partner".